It seems so odd to think how something like change can be so exciting and thrilling yet terrifying and uncertain. Sometimes I want God to just change everything, take me and do what He will….but then when it comes to the reality of it, I take back the reign and put parameters on God. I specify what I want, what it should look like, and what's ok and not ok. And yet hard truth is it’s not about me. Not about my happiness or my wants or my desires. But it’s about the bigger picture. God’s picture and God’s story.
It’s interesting that somehow I feel like I have the right to place demands on God. I say I surrender my dreams but wrap it in a box of what things should look like. I pray for direction but am scared of the answer and frustrated that I don't know the future. As I think about it, what is uncertainty really? Is it the fact I am not sure I’ll get what I want? Is it that I’m afraid God will let me down? Or is it maybe that I just want to have control? I guess truth of it is that uncertainty only means God is going to pull through. I wonder if I truly relied on God…truly, not in words but honestly deep in my heart relied on God, that uncertainty wouldn’t be near as frightening or frustrating for that matter. What if I realized that God will not let me down? He will pull through EVERY time. I wonder how things would be different in my life.
Change and Uncertainty are two things that can either imply stress, fear, and frustration…..or peace, acceptance, and adventure.
God, there is so much about my future I don't know and so much uncertainty in life. Give me the faith to truly rely on you and follow you in whatever changes come….
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