I wonder why it is that it takes me so long to learn something....truly learn it, and get it? It seems like the past two years, time after time, I've faced decisions, circumstances, or situations full of uncertainty. And time after time God has been trying to teach me to trust. Looking back, I see how every time God has pulled through, and yet when a new situation comes up that I'm unsure about, the lessons I've learned seem to go out the window as I struggle to trust that God can handle it. But a few weeks ago God got me to start thinking about all of this and why it takes me so long to learn that He can be trusted with the little and big parts of my life including boys, school, my future...all of it.
I was praying and journaling when God quietly asked if I trust Him. My reaction? "God, of course I trust you. Come on...You're GOD...You can do ANYTHING...why would you even ask me that?" And He came back with, "Jaim, Do-you-trust-me? Totally, completely, with everything..." And in all honesty, I realized I didn't. If I TRULY and SINCERELY trusted God with all the uncertainty or hard times I was facing, I would be able to rest and not try to figure it all out on my own. I would stop trying to manipulate things and circumstances to work out the way I wanted it to work out. I would relax and have the confidence that God knows what's best and that I don't have to make things happen, HE will. I would recognize that He is bigger than anything I do. I can't mess up His plans, or miss His plans. Sometimes I get so worried I'll miss out on what He has because I'll make a wrong move, or mess up. Then He comes back with, 'Do you you trust Me?'
When I looked up the word trust it fit perfectly...
"reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, of a person or thing; confidence."
I guess it all goes back to God's character. Who is God? Who do I believe (honestly believe) that God is? What is God like? It makes me want to go back through Scripture and look at it in a new way, find out the answers to these questions. Not for my knowledge, because it's easy to rattle off answers, but for my heart to grasp. If I truly knew and believed that God is who He says He is, wouldn't I trust Him with EVERY aspect of my life. And if I did trust Him completely, wouldn't my actions be different?
"There are many things that are uncertain to us, but we KNOW that God is good, that He can be TRUSTED with our lives, and that we should live our lives in PURSUIT of the future HE paints for us" -Erwin McManus